As all of you who are acquainted with Alive & Kicking would know, we are communication specialists. As such, I am always focusing on how people communicate. I’m interested in their internal communication (thought patterns) as well as their external communication; consisting of conversation, letters, emails, sms, internet sources and telephone contacts. I am always observing the communications between others around me, as well as those interactions I am engaged with myself. I generally keep a working diary of samples that I collect that would make interesting stories to tell during my training sessions ~ to use as examples of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I have decided to use this blog space to comment on interactions that I witness, and open up discussions about them. I’m calling this series: Fran’s Rantings about Communication.
Here’s my first edition. . .
The Doctor’s Office:
Lately, my partner and I have been on a fitness kick. We have decided to firm up and trim down. In doing so, we decided it would be a great idea to have some blood tests done to see what our general health is like and know that we are safe in the choices we are making. Off we went to the doctor. We had the blood tests and then made an appointment to see the doctor to get our results. When we arrived, our usual doctor wasn’t available so we were happy to have the results given by any available doctor. How hard can it be to tell us about our cholesterol, blood sugars, triglicerides etc?
The doctor began to interpret the results for us. As he went along, he mentioned details about our results and then often asked a question. Here’s an example of his comments:
DOC: “You know that you are overweight don’t you? In fact, you are right on the boarder of the obese scale?”
Fran: “Yes”, I said. “That’s why we are here, to take charge of that situation and bring it all into control again. We have started”. . . (he interrupts here)
DOC: “We’ll, what are you doing about it?”
Fran: “We have just stared an exercise program with a personal trainer. We see him 3 times per week, and the other days we do other types of exercise (walks, jogging, gym, yoga).”
DOC: “Hmpf That won’t work for you. You’re better off just walking fast – and it’s not the only thing you need to do. Diet is the most important part. You will have to change what you eat. I’m sure your diet could use a lot of change. What do you eat? Fast foods all the time?”
Fran: (feeling annoyed and attacked) “No, we have a fairly good diet. We eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, mostly fish for the meat. Our biggest issue is portion control. We just eat too much of it. We are also thinking of going vegetarian for a while to experiment with that. We also take lots of vitamins, drink lots of water, and steer clear of sugar.”
Doc: (snickering) “Vegetarian and vitamins – what a ridiculous waste. Just balance your diet. Stop thinking about all those other things and just have a balanced diet. This is what’s got you into this mess in the first place.”
Okay – that is just one string of conversation that exemplifies the entire interaction. While I’m not at all unhappy that the doctor and I didn’t see eye to eye on what’s a good dietary choice or a good exercise regime, I was unhappy at his choice of communication style.
Result: My partner and I both walked out of the interaction feeling put down. He had talked down to us. If we weren’t mentally strong enough to combat those feelings, we could have easily given up. After all, we were just told that everything we were doing wasn’t working, and wasn’t going to work. Only HE was right. (We had lots of evidence to the contrary – we had already lost over 15 kilos each and were feeling great).
What could have been done better?
Please know that I am not passing judgement on the advice the doctor was giving. I am passing judgement on his communication. He could have complimented us on acknowledging that we needed to change.
He could have said: “Wow, I’m glad you’re doing exercise and focusing on your diet. I have some ideas about the specifics that I’d like to talk to you about – and I want to invite you to come back to me if you find that your current plan isn’t working well. Here are the things that I would recommend that are different to what you are doing now. (insert details…..)”
Had he taken this type of approach, we would have listened openly and been willing to consider his suggestions. His condescending and combative approach did nothing but get him crossed off our list of people we trust for advice.
Professionals have a special responsibility to tell the truth about a situation, but also to communicate that truth effectively. I’m not saying that scare tactics and other such methods are not useful and sometimes necessary. The key is to know the audience – and try different approaches. Why not focus on having clients walk away feeling motivated to continue doing the right things, and want to come back?
